See different

We move through the world assuming we are sharing the same experience. We sit in the same meetings, hear the same words, look at the same numbers, walk through the same doors. It feels logical to assume that what is obvious to us is obvious to everyone else. But it isn’t. Two people can stand in the same room and live two completely different moments. One hears challenge, another hears criticism. One sees opportunity, another sees uncertainty. One feels energy, another feels pressure. The environment hasn’t changed. The interpretation has. And interpretation shapes our reactions far more than most of us realise.

Every human being experiences life through their senses. We see, hear, taste, smell and touch the world around us. But our senses are not neutral recording devices. They are filters. What you see is filtered through memory. What you hear is filtered through past conversations. What you feel is filtered through previous experiences of safety or threat. Your nervous system learned how to interpret the world long before you were conscious of it. It learned in childhood. It learned during moments of stress. It learned through success, failure, disappointment and growth. Over time those experiences quietly shape how you respond to situations.

Most of the time we don’t notice this happening. We simply assume our interpretation of a moment is the correct one.

I remember this very clearly during Marathon des Sables  (MDS) in 2015. MDS is a 250km self-supported race across the Sahara Desert. Everything you need for the week you carry on your back.  Food, all your gear, sleeping bag, not much else to be honest. The environment is brutal, heat, sand, distance, everything.

During the ‘long stage’ as the sun started to set I remember looking up at what seemed like an endless stretch of dunes. The sand underfoot was relentless, every step my feet seemed to drop deeper and deeper into it. I knew I was in for a ride. It was a crazy moment. There was still around 20km to go on the stage. The biggest 20km of my life maybe. I remember turning to Tom and saying “I think I need some caffeine”. A cup of coffee was not an option but I knew I had a single serve Nescafe red in my bag. I got it out, emptied it into my mouth, added some water, nearly vomited but kept it down. We kept trudging through the sand. Hard, it was very hard.

A few hours went by, something had shifted. The relentless dunes kept coming. The sand was the same soft sand. The distance ticked down but almost painfully slowly. The elements were the same, but I was different. My energy was different. My breathing was different. I saw beauty in the desert night. I liked the feeling of the sand over my gaiters. I was in paradise. I was where I wanted to be. Moreover I was where I needed to be. The external reality stayed the same. My perception of it changed.

It’s odd. The saying “one moment you are in hell and then suddenly you feel reborn” is so true in situations like this. First you feel the change in yourself, then you begin to see it everywhere. Someone’s hesitation may not be resistance. It may be caution learned through hard experience. Someone’s intensity may not be aggression. It may be urgency shaped by a past where opportunities were scarce. Someone’s silence may not be disengagement. It may be reflection. What if we are all responding to something deeper than the present moment.

The way we were raised plays a role. If mistakes were punished harshly when we were young, feedback can still land as danger years later. If we grew up around uncertainty, control may feel essential. If we experienced stability and encouragement early in life, we may naturally see possibility where others see risk. None of these responses are right or wrong. They are simply learned. The same is true for the people around us. Everyone carries their own history into each interaction. That history quietly shapes what they hear, what they see, and what they feel.

In coaching I often see this play out in simple ways. Two athletes can receive the exact same training feedback and react completely differently. One sees it as helpful direction. The other hears it as criticism.Once you understand the person behind the reaction, their background, their pressures, their past experiences with sport or coaching, their response usually makes sense. The behaviour is never random. It is connected to how they were experiencing the moment.

As we know environment shapes perception as well. The cultures we grow up in, the industries we work in and the communities we live in influence what feels normal. In some environments speed is valued above all else. In others patience and caution are respected. In some places disagreement is encouraged. In others it’s avoided. When people from different environments come together, misunderstanding is almost inevitable unless there is awareness.

Think about how even your physical state changes how we experience the world. When we are tired, under-fuelled or overwhelmed, our senses narrow. Small problems feel larger than they are. We hear more threat. We see fewer options.

During Marathon des Sables there were moments when fatigue distorted everything. A small climb would feel enormous. A few kilometres would feel endless. My mind would start creating stories about how hard the remaining distance was going to be. I knew it was happening. I had experienced it in training. I had tried to train it out. Then I realised it was also happening for a reason. Everything starts from within, as without within there is no without. Noticing these behaviours in ourselves is where the real journey begins.

I am fortunate to have coached a whole load of people to a whole load of cool things. I have always been of the opinion that before I am able to change someone elses behaviour I have to understand my own. The signs, the signals. Understanding what I am actually reacting to. Is this the situation itself, or my interpretation of it? That small moment of reflection creates space. Curiosity has been a part of me since I was a kid. As a coach it becomes a bigger part of me everyday. Instead of assuming someone is difficult or unmotivated, the question becomes, what might they be seeing that I’m not? What might they be hearing in my words that I didn’t intend? Curiosity is powerful as it softens tension without lowering standards.

We see this often in coaching. Occasionally someone appears resistant to a plan or hesitant to push forward. It’s easy in those moments to assume lack of discipline. But when you step back and understand the person, their life outside training, their past injuries, their previous experiences with failure, their behaviour often makes complete sense. Once you understand their perspective, the conversation changes and often, so does the outcome.

There is a responsibility that comes with recognising this. Not to soften standards or make excuses for behaviour, but to see more clearly what is actually in front of you. If performance matters, then understanding matters. Because people do not respond to reality as it is. They respond to reality as they perceive it. And that gap, often unnoticed, is where friction quietly builds. It is also where opportunity exists. The work is not to control every external variable. That is a losing pursuit. The work is internal. To become more aware of your own filters, your own default interpretations, your own patterns of response. To notice when you are reacting to what is happening, and when you are reacting to what has happened before. That distinction is subtle, but it changes everything.

Awareness creates space. And in that space, there is choice. Choice in how you respond. Choice in how you communicate. Choice in how you lead. Without that awareness, reactions are automatic, often shaped by something far removed from the present moment. With it, responses become deliberate, aligned and more effective. The same principle extends outward. The more you understand how others are experiencing the world, the more precise your interactions become. You do not need to change who they are. You need to understand how they are seeing. From there, communication sharpens, expectations become clearer and performance has a foundation to grow from.

Different people. Different histories. Different interpretations. Not a problem to solve, but a reality to work with. Because when you do, performance is no longer something you force. It becomes something you understand.

No Weakness

Marcus