Coaching humans

Fitness. Fat loss. Marathons. Bike rides. Running. Swimming. Lifting. Stronger. Faster. Better.

For over two decades, I have had the privilege of coaching human beings to pursue some unreal goals. It remains an honour, and one I do not take lightly.

There are nuances to this work. The one that I love the most is that no one arrives asking to be coached to become a better human. They arrive with outcomes. Mountains to climb. Races to complete. Kilograms to lose. Markers of success that can be measured, compared, and validated. Societal norms. A narrative that should be simple to understand.

The goal becomes the entry point. A shared language. A contract that feels safe. Humans, we love to feel safe.

Asking for a faster time or a leaner body is far simpler than asking for clarity, discipline, or self-respect. The key however, those quieter qualities are what determines whether the goal will be reached, and more importantly, whether it will mean anything when it is.

This is where “my job” coaching begins.

Everything about performance is mental. Not in the motivational sense, but in the behavioural one. How humans interpret effort. How they respond to discomfort. How they justify inconsistency. How they stay busy while avoiding responsibility. Mindset has always fascinated me. Experience layered with ongoing formal study has shown how behaviours drive outcomes. Sporting goals, regardless of scale, demand awareness. Awareness of time, energy, stress, sleep, nutrition, relationships, and internal dialogue. When awareness improves, energy stops leaking. Focus sharpens and effort becomes deliberate.

I have made humans run faster by running less. I have helped people lose weight by eating more. It may seem counterintuitive. It is certainly counter to many heavily promoted programs but as I was taught in a Yorkshire boarding school….. “the proof is in the pudding.”

You see, it is far easier to show up with a 10km goal while life remains chaotic. To chase a personal best in the hope that achievement will settle uncertainty. A brief hit of dopamine. Something to talk about at the water cooler. Something to post online, as if visibility equals progress. But external outcomes are unstable. They come and go. They are never fully within our control. They rarely fully satisfy. 99% of the medals I have won I have given away, they mean nothing, it’s the feeling I keep inside that is everything. 

Our humanness is what we need. It is what drives our outcomes. Taking control of how we show up day after day. Taking control first of the human side of performance. 

Coaching humans as humans and not transactional robots requires trust. Trust from both sides. Not an agreement on day one. A commitment to ongoing open conversations and the sometimes frequent uncomfortable truths. Trust that allows a coach to challenge behaviour rather than simply prescribe sessions. Trust that allows a client to admit what is actually happening, not what they wish were true.

Honesty is the foundation. Without it, coaching becomes empty. With it, it becomes developmental. Honesty only works when the human is coachable. Coachability is the willingness to be examined. Maybe to be wrong. To be willing to sit with discomfort and  learn from it. To accept the messed up non linear but always beautiful path of progress.

A coach is not there to control or rescue. Nor to validate every decision. The role is to guide, to question, and to hold a standard. To support or as my great friend and InnerFight partner Clarkey puts it “to give a shit”.

I have seen some amazing results come from some amazing programming. I have also seen terrible results from the same program used by a different human. The program is neutral. It never changed. The human did. The human always comes first. Then the program. 

Of course the sporting goal still has a place. It provides direction and context. But it comes second. Humans determine whether the goal is sustainable, meaningful and brings impact beyond $5 medals.

Coach the human first. Align the goal second.

This is rare. Look well.

Marcus